Online dating adventures

The online dating world is a difficult place.  It's a funny place.  Men on display.  I haven't had a lot of dating success out there, but I've had some experiences that can only be described as surreal.  And I must say I have a friend who met a wonderful man on an online dating site and they are happily married today.   

 

Women, if you know any men friends that are on online dating, offer to help them with their profile pictures.  There's an online dating joke that you find out when you're out there that men apparently most of the time, take a picture of themselves with their phone in their own mirror...most of the time in the bathroom.  And yes, many times you can see ambiance items like the toilet or other bathroom accents in the background and I also will tell you that I have seen pictures taken in what I assume is their bedroom complete with the unmade bed with dirty clothes strewn about. 

 

Pictures are routinely taken from many feet away so hair color is about the only feature you can pick out at that distance or are so dark that you can't actually tell if a person is in the picture or not.  Men also routinely like to take pictures of their dogs, boats, cars, motorcycles or other things that they own.  I would not pick out anyone based on their boat for instance, but I surely can't speak for all women.  I'm sure there are women that are...uh, boat enthusiasts. 

 

And keep in mind, these are the best they've got.  These men are putting pictures that I would throw away as their profile picture, the first thing you see if they contact you in any way.  If I am thinking...what the hell is that a picture OF, you have not made a good impression.  My thought is...with all this technology, they guy cannot even take a picture OR...he is embarrassed to ask someone to take a picture of him for his profile.  Then there's other extreme where the guy that has the maximum number of pictures of himself or has many shirtless pictures.  That gets into the "ew" factor for me; it's just a little too much information for being strangers.  My favorite is the no-picture guy.  Now that is slightly presumptuous!  I am going to answer your email, when you are too embarrassed to put a picture on??  Because I'll just take you on your word that you are attractive.  And if I have my picture out there and I have stepped out from behind the curtain to give you a glimmer inside my life, you better too, Mr. Wonderful.  Otherwise you have no chance.  None.  Nada.       

In the interest of helping men friends that you know that are out there trying to find someone...in general, they need your help.  Don't offer, TELL them that you are taking a great picture of them and sending it to them and help him put it on his profile.  Trust me, it will likely be better than a picture they have. 

 

If I get past the pictures, and by that I mean that I find pictures of someone I find attractive, then comes the profile.  OY.  It is a tough part of the process  because you know that there are some people that are just pretending to be someone else.  I tried one site that there were young men that were trying to write a profile that they obviously thought would catch some lonely cougar, but the profile read like two teenage boys that were making things up as they went, I could just hear them saying---"oh, that's a good answer".  Then the picture they put up looked like a magazine model, then another that wasn't for sure the same guy sailing on some big sailboat.  "He" emailed me once and when I called their bluff, they had an equally lame answer where they tried to sound older.  And just a note to any kids that try and do that...if you are 46 like you say and you've never had a relationship longer than one year, yeah, we're not dumb out here.

 

I can't complain.  I did meet a man I consider a very good friend through online dating, but it is the law of numbers and there are adventures to be had.  This age is so different than at any other time.  Things are not at all the same as they were and identities can be skewed in the online world.  And I'm not 20-something or 30-something so I already have my life and my family.  I've raised kids and I'm done with that now, they're on their own.  That is such a different perspective.  Good luck out there you single 40 and 50-somethings!      

 

New improved me.

I'm on my blog again.  I know the idea of a blog is not to post every several months, but I ran smack into a massive writers block I think fueled by losing my Mom this year.  Until recently I haven't had the desire to write for several months.  Life seems like it's been moving in hyper-speed for an entire year and the sadness that I felt seemed to be in slow motion, experiencing one activity after another where I missed her so badly. 

I've also felt like I myself am transitioning, reinventing myself again.  I am discovering my own ideology, and once discovered I feel like the realization finally allows me to feel absolutely comfortable in my own skin.  It all makes sense and seems so logical and I feel like one after another of "AHA" moments that teach me that I am an ever evolving being.  I don't have to be anyone's idea of who I am, I just need to evolve as I have been and then it's someone else's job to accept me or not, and if they don't...so what!?  

I discovered during the elections, that I am a passionate progressive.  I don't care if anyone thinks that's OK, LOL.  I am like my mother before me in that respect; we used to talk endlessly about politics.  She truly loved President Obama.  She had the same pride in our country that I did when they elected a black man as president.  What a long way our country had come in her lifetime, from the days of segregation to a black man as president.  Even coming from a small town, she wanted me to experience the city life and people of other colors and the opportunities that you wouldn't have in a small town.  

This year, I saw my interest become passion.  I felt the times that my Mom was fighting for women's rights, telling me that I needed to have an education and be able to make my own way.  Whatever you do, she would say, have security by yourself, don't rely on a man to give it to you.  When the issues that my Mom was fighting for started to re-appear in today's conversations, I felt like I had only one direction to go.  Forward.  I could not let the things that my Mom fought for in her day not be available for my daughters.  When someone is wanting to make decisions on my behalf around the country and the world, you better have impressed the hell out of me.  And I don't mean with your schmooze, I mean with your brain, and you sure as hell better have a plan.  I have lived.  I've had to go to a food shelf.  I've done community service to get free food when my kids were young.  I've had kids, I've run a household, I've been through a divorce, I've owned and taken care of my house, I've remarried, I've had a combined family, I've lost a husband, I've lost a mother, I've picked myself up over and over again.  I've got something to say and whether you agree or not, I'm going to say it and I will not apologize for it.  I respect that others have different views, but I don't ever want to hold my tongue for something that I feel passionate about again. 

In this tough first year after my Mom passed, I am constantly amazed by seeing the things that she taught me play out in my own life.  She was very intuitive as am I and I'm learning to go with that intuition, listen to it.  It's telling me something and it so rarely steers me wrong.  Be comfortable in my own skin. 

So this is me...this has been me all along, it just took circumstances to open the pathway.  If things would not have happened as they did, I wouldn't have seen the path. 

I'm going to blog more.  I am awakening my inner voice to talk and I will move toward my creative side.  My Mom said I had to.  :-)