The online dating world is a difficult place. It's a funny place. Men on display. I haven't had a lot of dating success out there, but I've had some experiences that can only be described as surreal. And I must say I have a friend who met a wonderful man on an online dating site and they are happily married today.
Women, if you know any men friends that are on online dating, offer to help them with their profile pictures. There's an online dating joke that you find out when you're out there that men apparently most of the time, take a picture of themselves with their phone in their own mirror...most of the time in the bathroom. And yes, many times you can see ambiance items like the toilet or other bathroom accents in the background and I also will tell you that I have seen pictures taken in what I assume is their bedroom complete with the unmade bed with dirty clothes strewn about.
Pictures are routinely taken from many feet away so hair color is about the only feature you can pick out at that distance or are so dark that you can't actually tell if a person is in the picture or not. Men also routinely like to take pictures of their dogs, boats, cars, motorcycles or other things that they own. I would not pick out anyone based on their boat for instance, but I surely can't speak for all women. I'm sure there are women that are...uh, boat enthusiasts.
And keep in mind, these are the best they've got. These men are putting pictures that I would throw away as their profile picture, the first thing you see if they contact you in any way. If I am thinking...what the hell is that a picture OF, you have not made a good impression. My thought is...with all this technology, they guy cannot even take a picture OR...he is embarrassed to ask someone to take a picture of him for his profile. Then there's other extreme where the guy that has the maximum number of pictures of himself or has many shirtless pictures. That gets into the "ew" factor for me; it's just a little too much information for being strangers. My favorite is the no-picture guy. Now that is slightly presumptuous! I am going to answer your email, when you are too embarrassed to put a picture on?? Because I'll just take you on your word that you are attractive. And if I have my picture out there and I have stepped out from behind the curtain to give you a glimmer inside my life, you better too, Mr. Wonderful. Otherwise you have no chance. None. Nada.
In the interest of helping men friends that you know that are out there trying to find someone...in general, they need your help. Don't offer, TELL them that you are taking a great picture of them and sending it to them and help him put it on his profile. Trust me, it will likely be better than a picture they have.
If I get past the pictures, and by that I mean that I find pictures of someone I find attractive, then comes the profile. OY. It is a tough part of the process because you know that there are some people that are just pretending to be someone else. I tried one site that there were young men that were trying to write a profile that they obviously thought would catch some lonely cougar, but the profile read like two teenage boys that were making things up as they went, I could just hear them saying---"oh, that's a good answer". Then the picture they put up looked like a magazine model, then another that wasn't for sure the same guy sailing on some big sailboat. "He" emailed me once and when I called their bluff, they had an equally lame answer where they tried to sound older. And just a note to any kids that try and do that...if you are 46 like you say and you've never had a relationship longer than one year, yeah, we're not dumb out here.
I can't complain. I did meet a man I consider a very good friend through online dating, but it is the law of numbers and there are adventures to be had. This age is so different than at any other time. Things are not at all the same as they were and identities can be skewed in the online world. And I'm not 20-something or 30-something so I already have my life and my family. I've raised kids and I'm done with that now, they're on their own. That is such a different perspective. Good luck out there you single 40 and 50-somethings!
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