Cancer

Cancer.  I would love to be able to say cancer is done affecting my life.  I would love to say that, but I can't.  I don't have the shock like I used to, but the effect is no less sobering.  I feel for those who go through the diagnosis.  I remember, it is so awful, my breath taken away by the shock, my heart pounding in my ears so loud it's hard to listen to the doctor.  I remember the diagnosis day with Tim like it was yesterday.  Everyone who goes through a diagnosis day or a recurrence day will never forget it.  I can't even fully describe those days because it's like a bruise that never heals, the feelings go so deep I doubt I could do it without tears. 

Both of my parents are fighting cancer at this moment, as are several friends.  What do I have to do to get the "get out of cancer free" card?  My life has been monumentally changed by cancer, I just want to scream when I hear of another diagnosis or recurrence.  When will it stop?  I know there are new drugs but I also know that there is no one dimensional answer for cancer.  The people that told me that there was a conspiracy and that there really is a cure out there that is just not getting to the masses are not only wrong, that idea is an enormous simplification of cancer.  Once you are initiated into cancer-world, you know the immense complexities and how so much is really a doctor's best guess, regardless of how trained, specialized, or renowned they are.  You find out about enzyme levels, blood levels, medication names, retaining the cause and effect of everything with that particular cancer.   

The only thing I can do, is care for the people around me that have cancer.  Love them, be there, absorb their shock, pain, disbelief, make them laugh if I can, touch them with my words or my hands and let them know I'm there.  I guess that is the thing that I can do with this fight of others.  If you are a cancer survivor, let your story out.  There are people (myself included) that need to hear there are happy endings, that cancer does not always get to steal our loved ones away and there is hope.  You never know when that is the very thing that gets a person dealing with cancer through their day.