New improved me.

I'm on my blog again.  I know the idea of a blog is not to post every several months, but I ran smack into a massive writers block I think fueled by losing my Mom this year.  Until recently I haven't had the desire to write for several months.  Life seems like it's been moving in hyper-speed for an entire year and the sadness that I felt seemed to be in slow motion, experiencing one activity after another where I missed her so badly. 

I've also felt like I myself am transitioning, reinventing myself again.  I am discovering my own ideology, and once discovered I feel like the realization finally allows me to feel absolutely comfortable in my own skin.  It all makes sense and seems so logical and I feel like one after another of "AHA" moments that teach me that I am an ever evolving being.  I don't have to be anyone's idea of who I am, I just need to evolve as I have been and then it's someone else's job to accept me or not, and if they don't...so what!?  

I discovered during the elections, that I am a passionate progressive.  I don't care if anyone thinks that's OK, LOL.  I am like my mother before me in that respect; we used to talk endlessly about politics.  She truly loved President Obama.  She had the same pride in our country that I did when they elected a black man as president.  What a long way our country had come in her lifetime, from the days of segregation to a black man as president.  Even coming from a small town, she wanted me to experience the city life and people of other colors and the opportunities that you wouldn't have in a small town.  

This year, I saw my interest become passion.  I felt the times that my Mom was fighting for women's rights, telling me that I needed to have an education and be able to make my own way.  Whatever you do, she would say, have security by yourself, don't rely on a man to give it to you.  When the issues that my Mom was fighting for started to re-appear in today's conversations, I felt like I had only one direction to go.  Forward.  I could not let the things that my Mom fought for in her day not be available for my daughters.  When someone is wanting to make decisions on my behalf around the country and the world, you better have impressed the hell out of me.  And I don't mean with your schmooze, I mean with your brain, and you sure as hell better have a plan.  I have lived.  I've had to go to a food shelf.  I've done community service to get free food when my kids were young.  I've had kids, I've run a household, I've been through a divorce, I've owned and taken care of my house, I've remarried, I've had a combined family, I've lost a husband, I've lost a mother, I've picked myself up over and over again.  I've got something to say and whether you agree or not, I'm going to say it and I will not apologize for it.  I respect that others have different views, but I don't ever want to hold my tongue for something that I feel passionate about again. 

In this tough first year after my Mom passed, I am constantly amazed by seeing the things that she taught me play out in my own life.  She was very intuitive as am I and I'm learning to go with that intuition, listen to it.  It's telling me something and it so rarely steers me wrong.  Be comfortable in my own skin. 

So this is me...this has been me all along, it just took circumstances to open the pathway.  If things would not have happened as they did, I wouldn't have seen the path. 

I'm going to blog more.  I am awakening my inner voice to talk and I will move toward my creative side.  My Mom said I had to.  :-)